It’s a post

Not feelin’ it today. Tired. Extremely hot. Been staring at a DS screen too long. Desperately missing Atlanta & friends.

Eh

I don’t really feel like posting today, but here’s a post per my [self] promise. I’ve been feeling like a 12-year-old lately. I feel superior because I have a Star Wars lunchbox. I’ve been naming my aeons in FFX after characters in My Little Ponies. I should be catching up on my anthro book so I can read Origins next, but instead I’m catching up on missed YouTube videos and tumblr.

This is my sister’s cat:

Here’s something I reblogged today:

Stick around, I promise real content again at some point.

What is this day?

I had an animated discussion with my psychiatrist. I see him once a month and every other month it seems he is interested in what I have to say. This was one of those months and I got overly eager to talk to him. Something about living in my sister’s shadow and drinking problems. I don’t remember what I was saying exactly. I always feel that way about my sessions. I talk. I feel better. Then I have no recollection of what just transpired.

The rest of my day: video games and a nap. I also ate beans & rice with some sour cream in it. I think the sour cream may have been bad. My stomach feels weird.

Since I am feeling ill and depressed today, you can share this with me:

Flowers on the Wall

There are a number of songs that help me stay in touch with the world. I like knowing there are others who suffer the same problems I do (Elton John’s Sad Songs sums this up). Many times I’ll listen to a song that hits home… Yet it turns around and stabs me with guilt for not obtaining my dreams. The singers have accomplished their goals, despite their uphill battles. Examples would be fun., Marina and the Diamonds, or any song from The Wiz soundtrack. They may be depressed or socially anxious, but at least they’re working hard.

So I’m depressed and anxious and worried about my dreams. Can I hear a song for those who have stopped fighting or like to hide away? The answer is yes. One of my favorite songs is “Flowers on the Wall” by the Statler Brothers. I was first introduced to it through the Pulp Fiction soundtrack. (I don’t really like Tarantino movies, but he always picks great music.)

Here are the lyrics:

I keep hearin’ you’re concerned about my happiness
But all that thought you’re givin’ me is conscience I guess
If I was walkin’ in your shoes, I wouldn’t worry none
While you ‘n’ your friends are worried about me I’m havin’ lots of fun

Countin’ flowers on the wall
That don’t bother me at all
Playin’ solitaire till dawn with a deck of fifty-one
Smokin’ cigarettes and watchin’ Captain Kangaroo
Now don’t tell me I’ve nothin’ to do

Last night I dressed in tails, pretended I was on the town
As long as I can dream it’s hard to slow this swinger down
So please don’t give a thought to me, I’m really doin’ fine
You can always find me here, I’m havin’ quite a time

Countin’ flowers on the wall
That don’t bother me at all
Playin’ solitaire till dawn with a deck of fifty-one
Smokin’ cigarettes and watchin’ Captain Kangaroo
Now don’t tell me I’ve nothin’ to do

It’s good to see you, I must go, I know I look a fright
Anyway my eyes are not accustomed to this light
And my shoes are not accustomed to this hard concrete
So I must go back to my room and make my day complete

Countin’ flowers on the wall
That don’t bother me at all
Playin’ solitaire till dawn with a deck of fifty-one
Smokin’ cigarettes and watchin’ Captain Kangaroo
Now don’t tell me I’ve nothin’ to do

Don’t tell me I’ve nothin’ to do

Abe Said…

“I am now the most miserable man living. If what I feel were equally distributed to the whole human family, there would not be one cheerful face on the earth. Whether I shall ever be better I can not tell; I awfully forebode I shall not. To remain as I am is impossible; I must die or be better, it appears to me.”
-Abraham Lincoln

I managed to get dressed today.

There are no reasons to feel this way. But it has been bad for the last few weeks even though I can put on a happy face to friends and family.
I have to go to the counselor. Maybe that’ll help.