Blog Archives

You Can’t Erase Yourself

Embrace the life that the Internet has chosen for you. All the pictures create your image. Your home is made of everything you’ve created a profile for. The anonymous commenters you’ve argued with are your noisy neighbors and your regular YouTube vloggers are the people you have coffee and a chat with.

It has been over 12 years that I have been active on the Internet. Sometimes I stop and try to think hard of all the places where I participated in discussions or signed up to be a part of a community. I’m recently battling with online sites to find IRL friends. I have made decisions to put time and effort into attractive profiles, but flee in terror when something comes along that could lead to a *physical* meeting. My life and ideas exist more fully online. I can talk to someone in person, but I remember that I have a blog where they can see how good my writing is or tumblr where they can see what I find funny or beautiful or they could find my old LJ and see what a complaining bitch I can be, but also how I see the world and my dreams. The real life me can’t be summarized in a profile, but I wish it could.

That went a little off the mark of what I originally wanted to say. I wanted to explore those weird niches that I fit into online. For a long time, when I first entered this digital world, I didn’t care who knew what about me. Those words I’ve said fill the background radiation of my Internet universe. I really liked posting to a site called Divine Whispers to defend my liberal religious paganism and to grow as someone of faith. I joined this site before deciding to become a religion major. I think I should have foreseen that decision. Anyway, I haven’t posted in forever, but my words are still there for anyone who wants to see all the biggest arguments from early 2000s. (I also tried to post on pro-Pagan boards like Witches’ Voice, but found it much more fun to face challenges from people who were serious about stupid opinions.)

I was reminded of this topic because I haven’t posted to my LiveJournal recently, but occasionally the little LJ bots will spam a post so I’ll see, “I am doing research for my university thesis, thanks for your great points, now I am acting on a sudden impulse.” Yeah. Yeah, that’s great. Today I got one such e-mail and it was on a huge post about dreams. This was from 3 years ago. I remember the details. I mourn now not keeping that journal up, but from 2004 to 2010 I made enough posts to make it worth having.

frank

I did *not* make enough comments on Dead Nigel’s DeadJournal to warrant its existence. Apparently I wanted to make an advice column based on Dead Nigel. I think most of the questioners were ex-boyfriends and my roommate. I’m kind of glad I let that one go.

For years my high school friends and I maintained a website on a character we called “The Evil Elf”. I know we actively took it down, but part of me always hopes I can find some scraps of it that exist. The e-mail address I had is no longer in use and Anglefire didn’t have any other personal info. So I guess that part of my Internet self is gone, but my real self remembers… and cringes.

During college I had an Emory Learnlink… message board thing. Learnlink was our inter-college mail system. My message board was called “Of Gods and Men”. My friends thought it was cool. At least they told me it was. I will accept this delusion. It had sub-boards for different topics. I guess it was like Reddit, only we knew the identities of the flamers. That didn’t make the trolls any less bold. Unfortunately we all graduated and got kicked off the LL so alas “Of Gods and Men” is no longer active.

I’ve read webcomics that have evolved into monsters or disappeared forever. I’ve blogged on all manners of topics, including a specialty blog on my mom that has since been deleted since she discovered the Internet. If she read that sentence, I’ll have explaining to do. I’ve found hundreds of recipes and art projects that will never get done because the pictures make me feel inadequate as a human being. I’ve used the Internet to feed all sorts of weird fandoms (think Xena RPGs) and have been called a stalker by people who are one to talk. And I have pushed and pushed to have my meager additions to the world acknowledged. “Likes” “Reblogs” “Follows” and any comments (good or bad) can become an obsession for things I put a personal touch on. (I keep away from my Twitter account for the sake of my ego.)

I’m not sure why I went on a nostalgic trip like this. I could probably find more stuff in my Internet closet that hasn’t seen the light of day in years, but I’ll save that. If not for another post, I’ll have to write it down somewhere because those are the pieces that ultimately tie me to the ether that is The Cloud.

This may be the longest personal blog post I’ve ever written. Don’t expect any more of these out of me. I just want people to know that death cannot undo the scars I have left on your precious set of tubes we call “The Internet”.

Oh, and Big Brother is watching.

Advertisements

A Box of Anxiety

What happens when your relationship with a computer is tested? The death of a computer can be either heart-breaking or a sigh of relief. The PowerMac that Mom and I used in high school was a waste of space. It had an Internet connection, but I often walked to the library for their public-use PCs to save some sanity. And see the color red. The RGB on the PowerMac became just GB.


(This was useful for Solitaire, if you were willing to deal with all black suits.)

I went to college and still had to use public computers until sophomore year. I was elated. I had finally joined the American tech revolution (which had started 10 years earlier). The Internet was faster. The resolution richer. The downloading illegal songs… I mean research for papers was easier.

I’m not sure how to convey my feelings of a computer relationship. I referred to it as a him and felt like he was a pet, a part of my family. I can’t remember what I had named him. He lived for 6 years until one day the power button did not do anything. Actually, it went ‘tick-tick-tick’ and then ‘thunk’ and then nothing. If it just hadn’t turned on it could have been a power source problem, but I was advised that the ticking… that was the heart of the hard drive beating its last.

There is a moment of grieving when something electronic that is *important* to you passes on. Maybe that is my experience because I wasn’t someone who could plow through toys and computers, replacing merely for technology. Something beautiful had to replace it. I found a Dell replacement (which was put on a payment plan which spent roughly two years ripping me off) that was white and silver and full of promise. I named her “Dr. Girlfriend”… for some reason. I blame my ex for that.

For 5 years she has worked. And she has worked hard. Part of me wants to buy a new computer (as soon as I get a job, of course), but it would feel like betraying a family member. Three days ago she didn’t turn on. It was the same as before, except no ticking. And I remembered that there had been some surges earlier which would either fry the power source or the motherboard. One was good, the other a cause for a psychotic meltdown. I finally took it to the computer vet and was told they could replace the power source for (relatively) cheap. So that has been done, but for three days I fretted. Yes, I have a net book from my loving family so I can blog abroad or write papers or something productive. The tiny laptop is not the same. Nowhere near so. It is with the large screen and tower and separate mouse that I can truly feel comfortable.

She is back and working (and the guy even fixed my second CD/DVD drive which I thought was FUBAR), but it reminds me of the mortality (ed: I originally wrote “morality”, which may or may not apply) of our electronics. I posted before about electronic evolution, but I’m not ready to rely on the portable, easier to look at, faster machines. Am I the only one?

Unhappy Noise Time

I know I’ve featured random crap from The Oatmeal before and this may seem like a lazy post. It is. I’ve been experiencing beclouded brain issues which I’m seeing (finally) the doctor for today. I’m also packing and it’s off for a week to Mom’s. I don’t have any posts preset for this week so it’s another vacation week for the blog, although I might update here and there if I feel like it.

Today’s post comes from Oat’s newest strip Minor Differences 3 (I recommend checking out all three of them if you haven’t):

Wait…


(Via Very Demotivational)

Such Strong Thighs You Have

In my ever continuing quest for the dark history of the Internet, I stumbled on the Micro Heroes website. An homage to the days when Angelfire and Geocities ruled the lands, the artwork is of an advanced form – not quite as bad as the rotating stars and winking large-eyed girls – but they are tailored to the horny geek children that used to own the young Internet world.

You have your basic comic book heroes & villains:

Some television & movie I’m not sure what:

As well as several unfortunate souls & some “naughty” women. I thought the latter would be depicted in compromising poses, however the creators had a limited body mold and we get several wide-spread, muscular thigh action again. Whatever floats your boat. (BTW, each image posted links directly to their related grouping. Fair warning the Harleyquinn page is NSFW as it includes Cat Woman.)

I checked some other parts of the site, like the links and flash movies. I stopped and burst out laughing under the “Star Wars Movies” sections. It says, and I directly quote: “Please be warned that some of the file are rather large in size (1mb+) and may take sometime to load – but I think they are worth the wait.” Oh Internet, how you’ve grown.

Terrorism! 05

This is positively one of my favorite things ever to come out of Something Awful. I don’t often catch up with that site, but occasionally I check their Photoshop Phridays. Back in 2005 they did a fantastic job on Will They Fly A Plane Into Our House and every so often I pull it up for a good laugh.

The original image is the cover art of a PSA booklet educating parents & children about the dangers of terrorism. What the…??? It is a combination of inappropriately demeaning a child’s intelligence, a promotion of bad art (is that even done by a kid or was there a call for some “professional” to mock what he thought would be kiddie style, despite the fact that this is geared towards adults?), and not to mention it’s a propaganda piece of fear mongering from the Bush era. So it deserved it’s just reward from the S.A. photoshoppers & here are some of my favorites:





(more in link at top)

Wordly Advice

I hate finding new comics to catch up on. This here’s from The Joy of Tech:


(Or you can check out their blog.)

Sorry for the sparse posts this week. I just got home from Mom’s and essentially a weekend of shopping. Ahh consumption: the American cure for depression.

%d bloggers like this: