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Sucker Bag

I couldn’t figure out if I was going to say “Half in the Punch” or “Sucker Bag”. Both are god-awful titles and I apologize (not really). Red Letter Media, the gods who delivered us Mr. Plinkett and his reviews of the Star Wars prequels, have a new project called “Half in the Bag”. Continuing with my sexism week theme, I figured I’d add this review of Sucker Punch by “Half in the Bag”. Mind you I have not seen the movie, but checking out the trailer and watching this review, I am positive I know enough that a) my vagina would be sad and b) it would cause me to have one or more seizures. I loved Watchmen, so I am sorry Zack Snyder did this, but looking back on all his movies it really is a culmination of his love for tits & explosions:
Vodpod videos no longer available.

Sucker Punch RLM, posted with vodpod

Empowered:

Dress Up Barbie With Guns

There was no post yesterday because I started playing FF X-2 again. There is no excuse for this. I first started playing several years ago because I’m an insane Final Fantasy X fan. When I played FF X-2 it was because it wrapped up loose ends, let me visit the world again, and – essentially, as my friend Spring put it – play a guilt-free “dress up Barbie” game.

Playing it you realize: no wonder it didn’t take off as well with American Boys, but seemingly it has high popularity with female gamers. There are so many outfits! It’s so pretty! Plus the girls are (kinda) smart and empowered! This is so a girly game, but as mentioned in my previous post (is this turning into sexism week?), I have a bit of an issue with sexy fashion being the draw for excitement. Still, I can’t help but be addicted to the game due to my undying love for the world and the way the game is designed.

It’s the damn percentage system that I both love and hate. You have to do very specific things in order to get 100% to achieve the “perfect ending”. For OCD completionists like myself (the person who attempted to defeat every super-monster and get every ultimate weapon in FFX), this was a nightmare. If you don’t go into a certain cave in Chapter 4 or speak to a midget in Chapter 2, etc. this game will screw you over by .5%. Finally, Spring decided to assuage my frustration and buy me the damn game book (eternal gratitude). So now I have the ability to achieve the 100%. While it does not fill the void in my soul, it distracts me from the emptiness.

The game stars Rikku and Yuna from FFX plus a lesbian named Paine!

Totally not about hot bitches:

Bootlust

Here is another set of incredibly awesome, yet painful to look at shoes. I think it’s because I don’t do heels or that I’ve had really bad experiences with sharp declines, but I see boots like this and think, ‘man, why can’t they have that in a flat?’ The heel is the concept of feminine “sexy” and there probably is a similar design to this in a “man’s” section, but I dislike the fact that most of the women’s modern punk or steampunk boots of awesome have to include towering spikes. That ain’t natural and it’s frustrating to those of us who don’t need to add 4 inches to our height to feel superior. (I almost left it at “4 inches” and thought how Freudian that was.) The boots are still pretty, though:

A Question Left Unanswered: Why Was This a Craze?

I had heard about this craze. I did not realize it had blown up so big or why. I’m also not entirely positive it is still huge, though I’m sure someone out there still does it and it will make a comeback next summer. I am talking about, of course, Vajazzling.

I know I’m a little late on the boat for this one. It originally came out way back in late 2009 and Jennifer Love-Hewitt made it popular by talking about it on T.V. for about 2 seconds (which then extended for about 2 hours as she traveled from show to show) in Jan of 2010. I won’t go too much into my personal opinions on this as that could stretch into a severely long rant about the disgusting waste of money just to glue some shit to your body that gives you a reason to flash your beshaven lady pocket.

My main interest is in figuring out why, other than the star power of JLH advertising it, it became so popular with the ladies of this time. A fad like this means blowing large amounts of money – average about $50 for something that last 2-3 days or you could get a kit that lasted only 1-2 days and was only a little cheaper or you could get a 5 or more day super one for over $100 – on something that you *can* put on a visible place, but is advertised as an item for your more intimate areas. Fox investigates for us:

“So, after preparing my, ahem, canvas, I asked my significant other to give me a hand. Peel, position, press, and release. Viola, I was all jazzled! I have to admit, the whole idea seemed kind of kooky. But, you know what? It looks really great. Rather sexy, if I do say so myself. It certainly wasn’t how I expected to spend my Monday afternoon. But, hey, I’m all for an adventure. And my lover dug it too. The whole experiment led to a little fooling around, in fact, during which no crystals were harmed.[…]
“Most of the day, I completely forget I’m vajazzled. But when I do remember, it makes me smile. Having those clandestine crystals makes me kind of feel like a rock star. Only I get to decide who can see it, and I feel – don’t laugh – a little bit like my naughty bits have super powers.”

(via Fox on Sex)

So it’s a confidence… down there issue? You get a glittery cooch and suddenly you feel secretly sexy? Do not get me wrong: I understand body art. Tattoos, piercings, etc. I’ve thought about doing something myself, but haven’t gone through because I need the money. If I were to do so, I’d *save* the money. These women could easily save what they are spending on Vajazzling to buy one tattoo if this is about getting sexy body art and “feeling like a rock star”. But maybe that’s too much. That’s too naughty. If this is about being naughty for a day, then why seem to advertise for skanky women?
I don’t feel like embedding this advertisement for “Tajazzled” which is a bizarre spin-off.
But Christwire.org certainly picked up on how damaging this trend is to our societies young men. (You don’t have to watch the vid, but read the ChristWire bit. I’m trying to figure out if that’s a parody. Please… someone tell me that’s a parody.)

Okay. I think this is all I can say: I don’t understand this culture of women because I know this is some bizarre attempt at creating an atmosphere of false self-esteem. It’s not what gets guys off. Fox Lady: Your lover didn’t “dig” it. He liked the fact that you were taking off your pants to show him your baby mound. I think of this video when I think of Vajazzled (which is awesome because this came out 2 years before that fad came out):

Wednesday’s Cringer: Gold diggers have bad grammar

In my research into rings yesterday… okay, specifically “bizarre or unique engagement rings” on Google images, I found an interesting article through The Frisky about a reaction to a “Dear Prudence” (via Slate) letter. The author quotes the response, but her own reaction is minimal and doesn’t go into analysis. Here’s the culprit:

“The real reason, and I mean the REAL reason why we all want largest available ROCK is to because we want it as a weapon. A social weapon. We want to able to scratch with ethernal jelousy [sic throughout] and envy the heart of our current future female friends and enemies, so, even when we will turn into a fat, ordinary, ugly and old woman in the next 60 years, we could always, always make an subtle movement with the hand, reach something, wave good bye, just anything, so the light catches an edge, deflects on one or two faces of the stone, just make a sparkle or bling, just for a instant. But that instant, brief as a blink, is enough for us to remember our capacity to be at the same level of most females of our class. May be even dismiss all smaller stone ringers. That subtle moment will last a tenth of a second. But in our hearts the power will remain constant as well as our sweet thoughts of you giving, for giving us that power or illusion of power.”

This brings to mind an image I saw months ago that seems to be from some sort of school newspaper. Part of me hopes it’s fake, part of me doesn’t.

So what have we learned? I am not clear on the age of the first person, but from the context we can assume she views herself as young and could grow fat and unattractive. Best to have something she can cling onto that makes her better than others. By that age, though, I doubt the “others” of her social “class” will have that respect if she doesn’t learn how to write proper grammar or complete a cohesive thought. Deflects? Deflector shields up! I can only assume “ethernal jelousy” is eternal jealousy, but if other girls of her “class” have rocks just as big or bigger since this is apparently a competition… or it’s a reminder that you are equal… or you like having an “illusion of power”, but you know it’s an illusion… I just… what?

The second girl obviously wants to obtain a life of leisure. She may already be from a rich family that indoctrinated her to believe she doesn’t need to work. Or they told her she’s too stupid and should just hope to marry rich since she can’t do any better in life. I’m gathering both from this article. This “little princess” has no hope to do anything besides her nails unless the people who published this in her school newspaper were doing so to finally notify the school officials that she needs to be held back a few years.

Oh, for those future gold diggers out there, the Internet does supply you with instructions on how to obtain your goal of getting that rich sugar daddy of your dreams! You can just check out the acclaimed wikiHow or eHow for further information. You are welcome!!!

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