Monthly Archives: December 2012

Happy New Year

Try to make it happy. Do your best. If this requires copious amounts of booze, that’s okay. I’m spending NYE with my mom, eggnog with rum, and chocolate from Russia.

We had a full day. It was full of things that required a minimal amount of movement, but made it seem like time well spent. We left at 11 so I could get a teeth cleaning. The doctor numbed my mouth because she knew it was going to be brutal. I can’t count the number of times she said “floss”. I’m sorry my bleeding gums anger you.

We headed over to the mall and I got my hair did. My bangs needed a major trim and I think the dresser managed to get them straight this time. At least my mom hasn’t threatened yet to grab scissors and “fix it”. We then saw Wreck It Ralph. It was one of the best cartoon films I’ve seen recently. There was a quick trip to Michaels. I was reminded why neither of us are let in there. Several chachkes and 2 My Little Pony activity books later we left and hit the liquor store.

So now we sit in silence until we can come up with something meaningful to do in our last hours of 2012. I’m putting up my last post of this month (and this year). I probably won’t keep up the daily routine anymore, but I’m proud that I managed to go every day (minus one) of December and realize I have the willpower to accomplish a goal. I’m going to use that momentum this upcoming year. I will do my best. If it doesn’t seem like I am, you have permission to post angry comments on my Facebook page.

Have fun to anyone venturing out to New Years’ Eve parties. I think I’m in for the night. I’m thankful that I managed to get through the day without tripping on black ice.

You Can’t Erase Yourself

Embrace the life that the Internet has chosen for you. All the pictures create your image. Your home is made of everything you’ve created a profile for. The anonymous commenters you’ve argued with are your noisy neighbors and your regular YouTube vloggers are the people you have coffee and a chat with.

It has been over 12 years that I have been active on the Internet. Sometimes I stop and try to think hard of all the places where I participated in discussions or signed up to be a part of a community. I’m recently battling with online sites to find IRL friends. I have made decisions to put time and effort into attractive profiles, but flee in terror when something comes along that could lead to a *physical* meeting. My life and ideas exist more fully online. I can talk to someone in person, but I remember that I have a blog where they can see how good my writing is or tumblr where they can see what I find funny or beautiful or they could find my old LJ and see what a complaining bitch I can be, but also how I see the world and my dreams. The real life me can’t be summarized in a profile, but I wish it could.

That went a little off the mark of what I originally wanted to say. I wanted to explore those weird niches that I fit into online. For a long time, when I first entered this digital world, I didn’t care who knew what about me. Those words I’ve said fill the background radiation of my Internet universe. I really liked posting to a site called Divine Whispers to defend my liberal religious paganism and to grow as someone of faith. I joined this site before deciding to become a religion major. I think I should have foreseen that decision. Anyway, I haven’t posted in forever, but my words are still there for anyone who wants to see all the biggest arguments from early 2000s. (I also tried to post on pro-Pagan boards like Witches’ Voice, but found it much more fun to face challenges from people who were serious about stupid opinions.)

I was reminded of this topic because I haven’t posted to my LiveJournal recently, but occasionally the little LJ bots will spam a post so I’ll see, “I am doing research for my university thesis, thanks for your great points, now I am acting on a sudden impulse.” Yeah. Yeah, that’s great. Today I got one such e-mail and it was on a huge post about dreams. This was from 3 years ago. I remember the details. I mourn now not keeping that journal up, but from 2004 to 2010 I made enough posts to make it worth having.

frank

I did *not* make enough comments on Dead Nigel’s DeadJournal to warrant its existence. Apparently I wanted to make an advice column based on Dead Nigel. I think most of the questioners were ex-boyfriends and my roommate. I’m kind of glad I let that one go.

For years my high school friends and I maintained a website on a character we called “The Evil Elf”. I know we actively took it down, but part of me always hopes I can find some scraps of it that exist. The e-mail address I had is no longer in use and Anglefire didn’t have any other personal info. So I guess that part of my Internet self is gone, but my real self remembers… and cringes.

During college I had an Emory Learnlink… message board thing. Learnlink was our inter-college mail system. My message board was called “Of Gods and Men”. My friends thought it was cool. At least they told me it was. I will accept this delusion. It had sub-boards for different topics. I guess it was like Reddit, only we knew the identities of the flamers. That didn’t make the trolls any less bold. Unfortunately we all graduated and got kicked off the LL so alas “Of Gods and Men” is no longer active.

I’ve read webcomics that have evolved into monsters or disappeared forever. I’ve blogged on all manners of topics, including a specialty blog on my mom that has since been deleted since she discovered the Internet. If she read that sentence, I’ll have explaining to do. I’ve found hundreds of recipes and art projects that will never get done because the pictures make me feel inadequate as a human being. I’ve used the Internet to feed all sorts of weird fandoms (think Xena RPGs) and have been called a stalker by people who are one to talk. And I have pushed and pushed to have my meager additions to the world acknowledged. “Likes” “Reblogs” “Follows” and any comments (good or bad) can become an obsession for things I put a personal touch on. (I keep away from my Twitter account for the sake of my ego.)

I’m not sure why I went on a nostalgic trip like this. I could probably find more stuff in my Internet closet that hasn’t seen the light of day in years, but I’ll save that. If not for another post, I’ll have to write it down somewhere because those are the pieces that ultimately tie me to the ether that is The Cloud.

This may be the longest personal blog post I’ve ever written. Don’t expect any more of these out of me. I just want people to know that death cannot undo the scars I have left on your precious set of tubes we call “The Internet”.

Oh, and Big Brother is watching.

Sorry About That

I want to apologize for not posting yesterday. Mostly I’m apologizing to myself. I actually forgot yesterday and feel guilty. At one point I was online and thought about putting something together, but my brain went “Procrastination Mode: On”. After I went off the computer, I didn’t return and finally remembered the post after I was already in bed. ~blah blah blah no one cares and i have to shovel today~

If I am going to apologize to my audience, I have so many more things to say. Sorry if you think anything on my blog has been offensive, especially the post on Caligula. Sorry if you spotted any typos or errors, don’t worry I’ve noticed them too and will spend hours agonizing over edits. Sorry if I’ve ever hit too close to home. I’m sorry that most of my posts are not engaging and 3/4ths of my blog visits are to the Medieval Torture post and the one about poisonous mushrooms. I’m sorry I kept doing “ring” posts when I started. I liked shiny things and thought my audience would too. I’m sorry for occasionally going full LiveJournal-mode and complaining about petty things like my job situation and insurance. My mom says I apologize too much, so I’m sorry about that.

There. Now I can start the next year with all of that out. No more apologies. I’ll have to start posting things like I’m not humble or some shit.

Anyway, I am sorry thankful that people felt the need to give me well wishes after the last post. The death of a family friend is hard, but it is even harder to stack it on top of 3 or 4 other deaths of family and friends within the same year. Or if you are my sister, the 11 or 12 other deaths. Plus the tragic shit that’s gone on in 2012. I’m glad that people are here for me, but I am here for you too if there are things from this year that are hard to cope with.

Cards to cheer you up:

As some of you may know, the above cards come from someecards.
I considered Blue Barnhouse and This Is Going To Be Awkward as other card options. These links are for your perusal this holiday season. (We’re still in the holidays, damnit! Find yourself a Valentine!”)

Parting

“Moments of kindness and reconciliation are worth having, even if the parting has to come sooner or later.”
-Alice Munro

We’ve lost another soul in our circle of friends and family. I will be glad when 2012 is over and done with.

Here’re some pictures of candles because I feel like it:


candles in the night

(And if you want to be *really* depressed, search “death” under tumblr tags. Those who are scared and lonely inhabit tumblr.)

Owl of the Week 4

It’s snowy. It’s holiday season. It’s Owl Wednesday!



There are a few more here: Lovely Owls on tumblr.

I don’t know what these are from. If someone can tell me the origin, the designer, something… that would be great. If these are from a holiday card set, I would totally buy them.

Merry Bizzaro Christmas

And a creepy New Year. My buddy Laura shared with me 9 Disturbing Christmas Ads You Won’t Believe Are Real. Cracked does a good job making it’s own commentary, but I have to say these are my favorite.

This reminds me of Rifftrax’s A Christmas Dream (a girl has a dream about a doll she’s abandoned and he goes on a destructive rampage to convince her to keep playing with him). At the beginning they go into her room and the tree is COVERED in lit candles and sparklers. They note: “This family has spent the last 7 Christmases behind police tape watching their house burn to the ground.”


Cracked says she looks high. I say she looks terrified like he’s holding a spoon to her throat. This advertisement would make *a lot* more sense if those were knives. Also, spoons only belong on trees if they are god-awful creations from Etsy that you put on there as an “ironic” ornament.

BTW, gift idea for any MST3K lover: a Rifftrax gift card. No, I’m not a paid sponsor, unless you count the five dollar discount I earned from ordering so many damn shorts. I used that to get their newest Christmas special, Santa’s Village of Madness. Oh dear lord.

Serious note: I started writing something meaningful, but this Christmas comes after a year of so much heartache. My main Christmas wish is that next year will balance out this one in the positive. No more tragedies or storms or unnecessary loss. I’m not wishing for “peace on earth, good will to men”. Gods know that’s not going to happen. (By the way, yes I celebrate the time of peace and gratitude known as “Christmas” even though I am Pagan.) It would just be nice for humans to take some baby steps towards a better future. Acknowledge global warming? Free health care so more people can get lithium? Something? Okay. I’m done because I apparently can’t physically type on my tiny board tonight. To all my loved ones north & south (and the two or three out west): Have a safe & happy holiday season.

Christmas Song For All

My sister says to say “Chex Mix smells delicious”. It does. We will have Chex Mix and wine at the family gathering tonight. Mom & sister are also dragging me to the first church service I’ve been to in two years. I’m fine as long as I can wear blue jeans.

Anyway, I wanted to share my favorite Christmas song. Uh… seasonal song… if that’s okay with you.

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