I created this blog on the basis of it being random objects I found online (the original subtitle being “Excavating the Internet”). It was supposed to be a mixture of obscure crap and shiny objects. However, I lied to myself in thinking that I could blog without it becoming too personal. If I want impersonal I can comment on YouT… reblog on tumb… tweet? Words, why do you make me subjective?!
So for the last several posts I’ve been focusing on something I pretended to have a serious interest in: Disney. I don’t care that much for Disney but posted because it was popular on tumblr. Since I think everything that tumblr does is cool, I figured I could pass it off as something interesting for my WP blog.
Then it started to wear on me. I’m a 30-year-old researching movies I haven’t seen in decades. I wanted to be part of the popular meme crowd. I desire attention that I don’t truly believe I deserve (as I keep complaining about, sorry). I get anxious writing a post about anything. That may be common. I don’t know. Putting myself out there while wearing a mask of self-confidence strains on the act of writing itself. I have to make up self-assurance.
How do I take the me I want the world to see and make it less pretend? I don’t want to be the drama llama that I was on LiveJournal. (I ended up naming that blog “The Complaints Department”.) I don’t want it to be humor splashed with lots of pics of Tom Hiddleston as it is on tumblr. Funny but depressed, busy but lazy, self-centered but self-hating. All these things are me. If I’m going to be more honest I fear it’ll end up sounding like this post: confused and terrified. Where’s that mask again?
“I want my friends to think I’m awesome.
Awesome! Awesome, yeah!
I want this world to think I care.
I don’t care at all.”
-Foxy Shazam, “Wannabe Angel”
I’ll try to get back into the swing of things. The main reason for this post: f**k the Disney Challenge. Here’s a brief list of the remaining questions & answers.
Day #16: Your favorite classic: Fantasia
Day #17: Your least favorite classic: Pinnochio
Day #18: Your favorite Pixar film: Up
Day #19: Your least favorite Pixar film: Finding Nemo
Day #20: Favorite sequel: Toy Story 2
Day #21: An overrated movie: Tarzan
Day #22: An underrated movie: Pete’s Dragon
Day #23: A movie that makes you laugh: The Incredibles
Day #24: A movie that makes you cry: a lot of them
Day #25: Your favorite scene from your favorite movie: (not my favorite movie, but) the last piece of the door scene in Monsters, Inc.
Day #26: Saddest death: Mufasa, duh.
Day #27: Your favorite quote:
All Aliens: [pointing up] The clawwwwwwwww!
Alien #1: The claw is our master.
Alien #2: The claw chooses who will go and who will stay.
Day #28: Your favorite couple: Miss Bianca and Bernard from The Rescuers
Day #29: Your favorite friendship: Robin Hood and Little John
Day #30: Your favorite Princess Castle: Rapunzel’s
And here’s a picture of the real me with an owl.
(I am chubbier than I have been in years. Part of the self-hate is not motivating myself on a number of fronts. But I want these pounds off! For the last week or two I’ve been seriously Sweatin’ To The Oldies.)
I don’t know how this affected my subscribers, but my profuse apologies if all of a sudden you were told 1,125 additional posts magically appeared on my blog. I love my tumblr blog and was hoping to integrate it into this one. Ideally I wanted to put the updates in the sidebar like a widget, but that wasn’t available. Under tools ->import you can add your LJ, tumblr, etc. content. As I set up the transfer I was terrified that the import started moving ~everything~ over. As posts. And there was no stopping it.
There isn’t anything particularly gross or inappropriate on my tumblr. I think it is the most awesome thing and if you want to see all those posts go here: My Safe Word is Fire. I have a fear that since I’m still linked through WP (something I can’t undo?) that whenever I update, not only the new post, but the past posts will start to recollect. Worse comes to worst, I’ll have to export and start a new blog. Sad face. 😦
I revamped the blog a bit because I know when I stagnate I need to reconstruct. The format is basically the same, but I changed the style. Look for upcoming posts that will hopefully look like my old work. I’ve been saving a lot of crap in my bookmarks bar that I’ve wanted to post. Also, my main New Year’s resolution was to read at least 4 books a month. That should be an easy feat, despite being a slow reader. I had read only a handful of books last year and feel my brain is going zombie. With this resolution, I’m going to put a few book reviews up here and there.
For those who are bearing with me/ still subbed/ forgiving, I love you guys.