Stick It In!

The human body can go through a lot of physical distress. I speak not merely of external torture, but of the curious, and often extremely confusing, amounts of internal trauma. These instances can be self-inflicted or products of sexual play or abuse. Today’s post is not for the faint of heart (or the faint of butt as Strong Bad says). And probably not for my Mom.

I saw the news report as soon as it came out about the quite unfortunate Chinese man who had a knife blade lodged in his brain for several years. This is an extreme case of what medical science calls a “foreign body”, which is (loosely) described as “any object originating outside the body.” This story brought to mind the recent stories I’ve been hearing of foreign objects discovered – either to their great amusement or their utter chagrin – by surgeons and doctors. There was an anesthesiologist who attempted to share several stories on a medical blog (most including items swallowed & found in the stomach, but there is one story of, you know, a gerbil), only to be bombarded by hundreds of responses to the post by peers. The moderator locked and hid the comments, allowing them only by request. When I saw the post I tried to retrieve the information by posing as a curious journalist, but to no luck, so unfortunately I had to go about my own research.

Definitely not for the squeamish: “Rectal Foreign Bodies” is your #1 resource for the exciting world of documented objects reportedly found in anal cavities. Originally listed in “Surgery Magazine” (1986), I have noticed many of these are the exact same ones listed in Mary Roach’s “Bonk”, so I am to conclude this was the same reference she used (this is why she’s one of my favorite authors). A dead giveaway is the “collections” section which notes cases such as 402 stones; a toolbox hoarded by a prisoner; and spectacles, suitcase key, tobacco pouch, and magazine. There’s also a link to a story about an “artillery shell”. Yeah. If you don’t want to read about it, don’t worry, he did not died. Unlike (spoiler!) Bruce Willis’ father in “Pulp Fiction”. (Tried to embed, but none of the videos would let me. Sorry.)

Now, less common, but more uncomfortable for me to think about, is Vaginal Foreign Bodies. Unlike the rectum, there aren’t a lot of places for objects to go. A lot of times we see bits & pieces of things that have been removed, but the subject couldn’t get the rest out. A lot of what happens with the nether orifices is a prideful inability to retrieve objects. Or if they try and fail… forget going to the doctor. This is especially true for women who have been told you can’t shouldn’t put things in there or if they were victims of sexual abuse, that can be a touchy subject. And I can’t find the story, but Sarah showed me a veeeery embarrassing story about a young girl who had a Barbie head stuck after her first (and probably only for a long while) attempt to masturbate and neither parent could get it out. Yes, neither parent. Then they went to the hospital. Not sure if the story is true, but she won some sort of contest and got a gift certificate for sex toys.

For the sake of everybody’s sanity, I will not talk about the urethra. Heh. Urethra’s a funny word.

If you want some Rated PG stories, I have the Gale Encyclopedia of Children’s Health through Answers.com. Mostly it talks about pediatric and adolescent cases for nose, eye, ear, and mouth/stomach issues. If you have children, you already know you have to be careful about little toys they can swallow: like plastic toy soldiers or McDonald’s… anything. Apparently buckshot and jewelry are also dangerous. This site does list rectal warnings, but since it relates to child healthcare, it says those incidents may come from ingestion or if inserted you may want your child psychiatrically evaluated for autism or personality disorders. Catch those fetishes early!

I hope I’ve thoroughly ruined your day. Or days to come. I probably need to have psychiatric evaluation myself. I finally have insurance, so maybe that will happen next month! I’ll keep you posted. (And for the record, I keep my orifices generally clear.)

Further resources for fun & leisure: Up Yours – X-Rays of the Weirdest Items Found in Butts
101 Things Removed From the Human Body (T.V. Show)
Swallowed Foreign Bodies

I will spare you images of X-Rays & instead here’s a picture to confuse your brain:
wtf photos videos - The Royal Cat
Via Picture Is Unrelated

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About Strix Varia

Seeking the strange creatures of the Internet while staving off the boredom of being unemployed and far from old friends. Follow the blog if you need something with which to pass the time away.

Posted on February 23, 2011, in education week, Wat?? and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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